Today in News: Terrorist Groups Stumped by Trump's Immigrant Questionnaire

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UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — Terrorist organizations around the world are bewildered by the latest proposal in the fight against their campaigns. In a display of the CEO-style thinking he hopes to bring to the White House, GOP candidate Donald Trump has laid out a plan for an ideological questionnaire for all immigrants.

The admissions test would pose questions related to religious freedom, gender equality, and bomb building that the Trump campaign feels certain would trip up would-be agents of terror. And spokesmen for several terrorist groups agreed.

"We really have to hand it to Mr. Trump. Bypassing security procedures, hacking international databases, gathering intelligence and planting operatives around the world—these things we can handle," explained a senior ISIS leader. "But an ideological test is impenetrable."

Although details on the test are scant, interrogation experts have suggested that a simple yes-no approach would yield clear-cut results, rather than allowing for nuance.

"They've done it," sighed an exasperated Al-Qaeda insider. "I'm not sure I see a way around the test without lying, which we absolutely cannot do."