Today in News: Trump Wants Border Wall, Can't Keep Guy From Climbing Tower

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NEW YORK — A man has been observed climbing Donald Trump's signature Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan. At the time of publication, the man had reached the 19th floor and had yet to be contacted by authorities or confronted by Second Amendment voters.

Of course, one wonders how Mr. Trump's plan to build a wall along the US-Mexico border will keep out all of the criminals, rapists, and federally appointed judges if he can't keep a long-haired hippie named Steve from climbing his glass-walled flagship with suction cups in broad daylight. The GOP candidate was unavailable for comment.

If this were an actual news service, we would provide further updates as the story progresses. Alas, such is life.